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Thank you for taking the time to read my stories. Please use this space to give me any kind of feedback you feel I need to change or rework my stories so they can be the best possible. Thanks!
To reach my portfolio if you haven't seen any of my stories yet, click here.
Hi Kasey! I like how on the home page of your portfolio you said that the stories were a compilation of all of your favorite stories you have written this semester. Personally, I was having a hard time figuring out the main theme of my portfolio because none of my stories that I am going to post will have the same theme. So thank you for giving me that idea!
ReplyDeleteWow! I really enjoyed your story "The Preacher in the West." It was so creative. As I was reading it I felt like I was inside of the story and the events that were taking place. The words you use are very descriptive and the events that take place are events that I could see actually take place during an old Western film. I think you have done a really fantastic job here!
Good luck writing the rest of your stories for your portfolio. I am excited to read more of your stories!
Hi Kasey! First and foremost, I am excited to see how your stories improve this semester! I chose to do a portfolio as well because I have really enjoyed some of the stories I have already written. I have no doubt you will be able to embellish and enhance your stories to make them even better than their original outline! After reading through "The Preacher in the West" I was pleased with your creative talents! At first, I forgot that I was even reading an interpretation of the Ramayana. I think that since you were so good at interpreting the stories for this, you could continue to strengthen this writing style! Your author's note is right - there is so much you could have added! I think the key in these portfolio stories is to embellish them but not to the point where it is too long to follow. Your story did get a little lengthy, so maybe focus on first organizing your thoughts into a short, bulletpoint list, then you can grow the story from that and keep it a healthy length. Continue to use all of the dialogue, because it was very intriguing! Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Kasey! First off, I really like the picture you chose for the background on your main page. The font color for the title also blends really well with the color scheme of the page. I think it would help draw readers in more if you add a little description of each story on your home page so that people know what they’re about to read. You could try enticing them with the description too by leaving them hanging so they have to read to find out more. I absolutely loved that you changed the setting of the Rama and Ravana story to a western style film. I enjoyed the dialogue and the storyline. The scenes were well written and I could imagine the scene perfectly from how you described the looks on everyone’s faces when Joel shot multiple people. I also like your organization into paragraphs which helps your story flow and is easy to follow along.
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey! I'm loving your portfolio! The image used on your site is gorgeous and I'm imagining large open landscapes. As you post more stories, you may begin to consider what image is truly best to get the reader ready to dive into your stories. For example, I'm not sure if an image of the sea, while beautiful, is appropriate for a story about Montana. On the other hand, the image you used for the story itself is perfect!
ReplyDeleteThe only problem I think is important is the length. i completely understand how easy it is to write more. Trust me, I'm always having to edit down. The biggest thing you can do is take it a sentence at a time and ask if the reader needs to know this. For example, I don't think we need to know why people moved to this town. People move for all sorts of reasons, so I believe you that people are living in this town. You could really just give a sentence describing the town, then jump into your story.
Great work! I hope you are enjoying collecting stories for your portfolio.
Hey there, Kasey!
ReplyDeleteI am happy to see that you decided to take this course as well! I really liked reading your stories last semester, and I am glad that I will be able to follow what you write about this semester. I think the portfolio is a great choice for you. It allows you to start fresh each week and create something new. I think the overall layout of your site is looking great. It has a great color scheme and it is easy to navigate. I think the blogger portfolio is the best way to go. I really liked how you put a western spin on one of Rama's adventures! This particular encounter was one of my favorites. I think battle scenes are always fun to retell. You did a great job in capturing the emotion and intensity of the moment. It was fun to see that you also took interest in this battle. I look forward to reading what your come up with next!
Hi Kasey great job on your story! You really took Ramayana and made it your own. One of my favorite parts is the parallel nature of the characters. While the preacher and Rama have almost nothing in common, they were not afraid of facing evil. Joel and Ravana are also very similar. While Joel is from the wild west and Ravana is from Lanka, they both did not want to bring anything other than destruction to the towns they visit. Your story also flows very well. While it is a little difficult to tell what story you started with, the story still flows very smoothly and begins to make more sense whenever the preacher comes into town. One thing I would recommend is putting a small description on the front page of your portfolio with a link to the story. It could really grab the readers attention and pull them into the story. Great job on your story, I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey. I like the theme of your portfolio, but the transition between white text and black text is misaligned, so there is an entire section of black text overlapping the dark background picture. This is probably a problem caused by different screen sizes. Maybe you could make the picture into a header and have a single shade of text on the tan background? This would make the compatibility for all users a little more uniform. The premise for your story adaptation is rather interesting. Your use of religious aspects is rather unique and has some potential for very intriguing stories. Even though it is far from the original tale, I feel that you still kept the same core values in the story. I know you said you were working against the word limit, so you might try to condense some of your sentences and use the spare words to add details in other places. I’ve done this a couple times with fantastic results. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey! I really enjoy most of the layout of your project and think that the picture of the windmill and sunset fit well with the yellow. However, the switch of fonts from white to black just doesn't look right. I would advise to keep it all white but when you hit more to read your second story it comes up with white on gray which is very difficult to see and move to the next story. I felt that the pictures for each story were great as the guy with the gun fit perfect and so did the fire column. In terms of your writing, I think you have some of the best details in your story that truly make it come to life for the reader. I think you do a great job of establishing the mood of a story and making the reader feel what the characters are. Overall I think you are doing great with writing but could change the font color and you will be perfect.
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey! I really liked your versions of these two stories. I thought you did a pretty good job of completely rewriting them, but still keeping the original theme. I also really like that you are keeping a consistent theme throughout the portfolio. I have only seen a couple of other portfolios thus far that are doing that. I’m not really sold on the back ground you have for the stories. I think the image is really good, but the sudden shift in color of the background and the text makes it really hard to read. For the first story specifically, I liked your dialogue. It flowed smoothly and seemed natural. It can be pretty hard to write dialogue that doesn’t feel stiff and unnatural so well done on that. For the second story, I think it may have made more sense to keep the weapon type consistent throughout the transformation. I just think it is pretty weird that he transformed the rifle into a revolver instead of a revolver into a fancier revolver. That may just be me though. Otherwise, great stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Kasey! First off, I really like how you give an introduction to your project on the home page. This really helps prepare the reader for what is coming and gives us an idea of how you chose your stories. Your first story, The Preacher in the West is such a creative way to think about the Rama and Ravana story. The story line fit perfectly into the "old" west setting. I also really liked how you used an image with text over it. I thought that this added a nice touch and gave a visual of the setting for the story. Your second story, The Golden Fun Origin Stories, was equally as good. One thing I noticed in this story is during the color transition. This line, (, “Please ) is in black, where the rest of that line is white. Just a formatting issue, but you may want to fix this. Overall, both of your stories are very creative and I really enjoyed reading them. Great job and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey there again, Kasey! I decided to check back in this week and see what you have been working on the past few weeks. I thought that you had a really strong start to your portfolio the last time I checked in here. I noticed that you made quite a few changes to the home page and introduction. These changes are looking really good! I think the background image and color schemes go really well with the western spin that you are putting on your stories. The intro paragraph also sets up the rest of the portfolio very nicely. I noticed that when the color changes in your second story some of the text kind of disappears into the page. The overall story was really awesome. It reminded me a bit of a biblical story as he pulls the revolver from the fire. I think you are doing a really awesome job making the stories very detailed and unique. I am excited to see what you will work on next. These two stories pair together very nicely. It would be awesome to see another adventure or battle scene in the next story.
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey! I have noticed that a lot of people have done their story retelling assignments on the story between Rama and Ravana and Sita, but most of the time they focus on Sita being captured, and have not talked much about the battle between Rama and Ravana. I am glad that you decided to give some personal insight on that part of the story because it has a lot more action in it. And side note, very few things are cooler than the wild west, so I enjoyed reading this. I also liked that you gave some more background and insight for Rama's celestial weapon, as well as sticking with the wild west theme.
ReplyDeleteHi Kasey! I love the concept of your portfolio. The Wild West is such an awesome time period, and makes a great backdrop for re-setting ancient stories. I also think the aesthetic of your site is great, and the music that you added really helped to set the tone for your stories. I'm so glad your second story is the backstory for the gun, as I was really wanting to know more after reading about how R killed Joel. God coming as a fire was very reminiscent of the burning bush that appeared to Moses in the Bible. You've found a lot of parallels between the Hindu stories and Christianity, and it's really interesting to see areas of the myths that translate so easily to Western culture. Final note, as some other people have mentioned, the switch between black and white text is a little trippy, and you might want to consider darkening the yellow background or something to let it be white all the way through.
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey! I love your portfolio! It is so creative that you are going for a western retelling literally with western wild west theme to retell a very eastern myth! My favorite is the story about the the preacher. I t is awesome that you combine the parallels between Christianity and Hinduism and it really brings the material to life. One thing that you also did really well on is explaining in your author's notes why you chose this style and how challenging it was to stay as close to the word count as possible. It makes a lot of sense as that would be challenging when you are adding so much material and making it your own! I look forward to reading more of these stories and it is giving me ideas for my own portfolio as far as music and stuff. Thanks once again for sharing these stories and I look forward to coming back and reading more of them!
ReplyDeleteHi Kasey! You do a good job of establishing the setting in "The Preacher in the West." You really paint a vivid picture of an idilic town in the wild west where the people are happy and safe. Then you show how that all changes when Joel rides into town on his black horse looking for happy, trusting people to take advantage of. I feel like I got a great picture of Joel, but I'd like to know more about R as he comes into town. Even if it's just the townspeople's impressions of him, it would help to bring some more life to the main character of the story. The foreshadowing about R's golden gun was a nice addition as well.
ReplyDeleteIn the first paragraph of "The Golden Gun Origin Story," I think you might have meant "lightning struck only inches from their horses" instead of "lightning stuck only inches from their horses." The way you describe the storm is very vivid and put me on the edge of my seat worrying whether the boy would survive.
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey, the randomizer picked your project for me to read and I was very excited that it was western theme. At first, I thought it was going to be a collection of different stories like a portfolio from the information that is on the home page but it seems more like a storybook to me. I like the images that you used in the project but I did not fell that the website was very uniformed. Each page had a different font and it is a little confusing with the black and white front color shift in each story. I know you need this so the reader can read when it is in the top portion but maybe you could add an overlay to help or a color that could work for both. I also could not find the link to your comment page. It is always nice to have this on the home page so it is easy to comment on your project. I really enjoyed the stories and the western theme. Great project, I cannot wait to come back and see how your final project turns out!
Hey there, Kasey!
ReplyDeleteI decided to come back and check in on the additions you have been making to your storybook project. I have really liked what you have been doing with your project this semester, so I have made it a point to leave feedback on every new story that you add to your project. I have been using the free choice to do this every few weeks. I see that you have updated the home page again. It is looking good as usual. I also like the note that you have added to the homepage. The newest story was some serious stuff. I like how you were not afraid to venture into the dark side of storytelling. It was very saddening to see the plight of Martha. She had tried so hard for so long to have a child. It was just not meant to be. This drove her to commit such a terrible act and turn to the side of demons. I had a terrible feeling that the preacher's spirit would be broken from this event. It was a relieving feeling to see that he was not going to let this evil act be completed. It always seems that he is in the right place at the right time.
Hi Kasey! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I primarily enjoyed reading and being able to clearly see where you were taking the plot, as well as the characters and setting. I think you do a very good job at making sure there are no gaps in the plot and filling in information when needed and when necessary. I enjoyed the way you so graciously provided extra details and showed how each setting played out and were super intentional with the character development over time. You provided excellent vernacular and were very descriptive in every part of the story as well. I look forward to reading a lot more from you! Thank you again for sharing with us. I hope you have a wonderful week 12 and are enjoying writing because you have a gift for that, for sure!
ReplyDeleteHey Kasey! This is my second time visiting your portfolio. I was so excited to come back and read your new material. Your portfolio really stuck out to me the first time I read it and I really loved the old west theme. This time I read your story, "The Preacher Has a Son". Wow! This story was so good and so intense. I did not see Martha summoning a demon to try and get a son. I also cannot believe that even after losing children herself, that Martha would take the life of someone else's child. Was she really that selfish or was she just that desperate? If she was willing to kill someone elses child, why did she not just kidnap someone else's kid? This story was very well written and very suspenseful. I read in your author's note that you did not know where to go after your last story, but this story worked perfectly with your theme. Great job and I look forward to seeing the final product.
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